Star-Crossed: Swipe Right

"We only cater for couples."

Writer: John Dorney

Format: Audio 

Released: May 2024

Series: Ninth Doctor Adventures 12.01

Featuring: Ninth Doctor, River

Synopsis

There are strange rumours about the planet Crell. People have been vanishing. The mysterious Matchmaker is keen to get the populace paired up via his special dating app... but rejecting too many suitors can have fatal consequences. 

It's precisely the sort of thing the Doctor would want to investigate. But unfortunately it's also precisely the sort of thing River Song would want to investigate too. The Doctor and River are on a collision course  – but this time it might not be a match made in heaven.

Verdict

Swipe Right was an excellent start to the Star-Crossed twelfth volume of Ninth Doctor Adventures! Judging from recent comments released from Big Finish from Christopher Eccleston himself, it appears that this is the final boxset in the range at least for the moment. That's a shame as it's been a sheer delight to get so many brand new episodes with the Ninth Doctor, but if we're going to be finishing then at least we're doing it with a bang! The prospect of uniting the Ninth Doctor with River Song is something that excited me so much when this release was announced and it certainly didn't let me down for this opener. The dynamic between them is fascinating because they couldn't be more different. This is not the Doctor that River Song knows well. He's far from it. He's probably the most alien to her of them all and that's saying something! I must admit I didn't think a story of this name and description would be well suited to the Ninth Doctor but it was actually fantastic. It felt modern to do a take on online dating at an intergalactic scale and the Doctor getting his way in by claiming to be meeting up with Beth was nicely done. She was expecting Julian but who she got instead was someone far more interesting. Her position as an asexual was used really well and that was a unique take on a sexual preference in Doctor Who. I can't recall seeing it before and I liked how it sparked the basis for the resolution. The Matchmaker is a fun little villain name and whilst I did think it was entirely predictable for it to be a computer, it was still a fun moment when the knowledge was learned by the others. It's always amusing to hear the Doctor being one step ahead of the game! The banter between the couple running the joint where the bulk of this story took place was wonderful and the constant use of the word darling almost got unsettling! It was a good laugh though and the comedic value at the end of the Doctor having defeated the Matchmaker and telling them they could now break up was tremendous considering they'd been together for six years and pre-dated the computer! The entire concept of the computer wanting people to couple up for their happiness and productivity worked really well, although having a limit on rejections made things a little difficult. You couldn't be too picky like Beth as that meant you would often get stuck with the final option. That was happening to her. Julian also got on the wrong end of things but River Song stepped in wonderfully to save his life. I thought the initial reaction of the Doctor to learning of River Song's presence and their supposed marital status was great and I like that with two more episodes to come, there's room to play with. We had no memory wipe here and that's exciting. It broke River's heart though that when the Matchmaker needed a completely loveless and unromantic person to take it down, the answer was the Doctor. That wasn't the man she knew and adored. It really did have a big impact on her to see the Doctor embrace that status and use himself to restore normality with the Matchmaker gone. It's exciting to think what might be coming next with this pair as there's strong potential there with a dynamic unique to any incarnation and River. She felt right at home in a dating episode whereas the Ninth Doctor didn't on paper. He even admitted this kind of thing just wasn't for him, especially in this incarnation. It was a fascinating listen and I look forward to more. Overall, a strong listen! 

Rating: 9/10