The Orphan Quartet: Harvest of the Krotons

"I seem to be turning into a giant crystal."

Writer: James Goss

Format: Audio

Released: August 2023

Series: The Diary of River Song 12.02

Featuring: River, Jackie

Synopsis

What are the Krotons? Why are they running a health spa? Jackie Tyler and River Song investigate, because everyone needs a direction point.

Verdict

Harvest of the Krotons was a great episode to continue my way through The Orphan Quartet twelfth series of The Diary of River Song! This is undoubtedly the story I was most excited for in this boxset because a reunion between River and Jackie was always going to be fun after R&J and then throwing in the classic monster return in the form of the Krotons was terrific! There’s a lot of potential with them and I really liked how this episode was essentially a mashup of The Krotons and Partners in Crime. That was really fun when it came to the Krotonic water and you really could just replace the Adipose weight loss pill for the water. It wasn’t exactly a carbon copy, but it was damn close. And that’s no bad thing because the mashup element was really strong and just fun. I think it certainly helps as well to not have the Doctor present because the elements now were brand new for River and Jackie. I was surprised that River had zero knowledge of the Krotons because she really does seem to know everything about the Doctor, but it was pretty much needed for the story and she can’t know every detail! I liked the discussion on Rose and Jackie feeling like she was just waiting around was a little sad, but she was also a bit harsh on the Doctor I thought. It was nice that she did acknowledge she was travelling and seeing amazing things, but after her experience with the Krotons here she saw firsthand what her daughter was doing almost every day. She was certainly going to worry! She’s a mum. That’s what they do. This leading though to a deep discussion on River’s parents was tremendous. I really enjoyed how she had to evade without lying about Amy and Rory for the start of the episode, but she did come clean at the end which was lovely. The events of The Angels Take Manhattan are still clearly quite fresh for River and it is nice to know that she still checked in on them walking hand and hand in the park from afar. There’s something really lovely about that. The plot itself was very strong with the repetition and Harmony being in the role of Miss Foster but she was a little less in control. The Scouse accent seemed to add something to the performance but the fact she then developed basically into a Kroton was a strange development! I think the Krotons talking in a Brummie accent was a fun kind of hilarious also. I did like the concept behind the Krotonic crystallised water and the threat of everyone on the planet who had consumed it came a tad late, but it was a sudden injection of a threat! The spa facility holding a range of has been celebrities was amusing and Jackie being in her element there was terrific. She’s the perfect character for that kind of thing and I liked how the story felt authentically 2006 era. She also just gels well with River and I hope this isn’t the last of them together! I thought it was fun that Jackie basically talked the Krotons into combustion with her thoughts on just about everything. It was too much to handle and it was good fun that she wasn’t even fully aware of what she was doing! The Krotons found Jackie just too much to handle and I imagine the Doctor could relate there! I thought River revealing who she was to the Doctor in front of Jackie was a sublime moment as she initially just thought River was a companion. She’s oh so much more. I thought it was brilliant as well to touch upon River Song being a great space name. Jackie wasn’t wrong there! The Learning Hall being familiar to Jackie was good too and it was really familiar as a listener for the Krotons. Overall, a really good episode to continue the series! A fun mashup. 

Rating: 8/10