The Orphan Quartet: The Excise Men

"You really did sell your souls."

Writer: Lou Morgan

Format: Audio

Released: August 2023

Series: The Diary of River Song 12.01

Featuring: River

Synopsis

A smugglers' inn on the Cornish coast in the 18th Century is under attack. Never do a deal with the Excise Men. 

Verdict

The Excise Men was a great start to The Orphan Quartet twelfth series of The Diary of River Song! And here it is, the last in what has been a pretty magnificent range from Big Finish. Whilst it isn't the end for River Song and her own spinoff series, this one is coming to an end and I'm quite glad that it appears to have an overlapping story arc with the mention from River of the Orphan Quart. I'm intrigued that she didn't mention the full umbrella title for the series and I'm unsure what significance that has, but I'm all here for it! I'm intrigued and that's a good start for the series. I thought the setting of a Cornish inn was really strong and it definitely had vibes of The Smugglers which is a really good thing. I feel like it was paying homage to that serial in a really subtle way that was much appreciated. This was far from a pure historical thought as we had time travellers galore in the form of the Excise Men. I found them fascinating as a concept and the paradoxical nature of their existence was strong to explore, especially with them being duped by The Agent. He was a really good character to form as the villain and I was surprised he was so calm. He never felt like was fully in control because he was mentioning his masters, but he really ought to have had more confidence and not be so measured because his little book actually proved to be impressive. Inadvertently or not, he was bringing about the end of the Excise Men without them even realising it. That was quite something considering the state they had gotten themselves into with the time decay, but it's no wonder considering they weren't being protected from consuming their ancestors! The idea of them though coming to the past and feeding on the lives of those that would be lost from shipwrecks was a very niche source of nutrition, but it's one that made sense in protecting the course of history. All of their victims would be lost to the sea regardless so they were just killing those that were essentially already dead. I sound like I'm endorsing them here! Wenna was a really lovely character and I thoroughly enjoyed her relationship with River. She was almost companion material which I loved and it was good for River to encourage her to be herself and have a little more confidence. She was right on board with what River was doing and she wasn't scared to tackle what was thrown in front of her. The ending with her then being the one to take on the inn was a nice way to bring her story full circle and give her something akin to a position of power. She certainly deserved it. The Agent being confronted by River was good and I love how she embraced constantly being referred to as the unknown entity. That's certainly one way to describe her. She wasn't hiding who she was or where she was from and that scared the Agent I think because he lost all semblance of control. I liked that she didn't even mind that she appeared stuck in the eighteenth century at the end because she had complete confidence in the Doctor to come and rescue her. I thought that was taking liberties a little but it's River and of course he would come running at some point. Overall, a really good start to the series! It was like the Toclafane without the paradox machine. The snake who eats its own tail. Fun analogies. Good stuff.

Rating: 8/10