Tales From the Vortex: Rise of the Eukaryans

"I was on toast!"

Writer: Daniel Hardcastle

Format: Audio

Released: April 2025

Series: Short Trips 13.03

Featuring: Eleventh Doctor

Synopsis

A busy factory owner unexpectedly finds her own face burned into her breakfast toast. As if that's not bad enough, someone's rearranged the contents of her fridge. Luckily for Jean, the Doctor's popped up to help her avert an uprising by alien yeast creatures.

Verdict

Rise of the Eukaryans was a pretty rubbish story to continue my way through the Tales From the Vortex thirteenth series of Short Trips. I knew the title of the story before I started listening but I had not read the synopsis and honestly I'm not sure if it would have been any better to go in knowing that this adventure was going to be so focused on toast. I thought it was frankly ridiculous and just childish almost to have a story centred around toast. I could probably get behind the concept of yeast creatures but it all just felt a bit amateur to be honest. I don't claim to be a writer but I just don't think everything tied together well here. The story was poor, I don't think the choice of narrator complimented the choice of the Doctor in the slightest, and that all just contributed to a pretty poor listening experience. Thirty-seven minutes of me sighing and shaking my head is not a good sign! I'm surprised I gave it as high as I did but I think one of my main appeals was the Doctor explaining how ponds were cool. There was no indication of when in the Eleventh Doctor's complicated timeline this story took place which again should be something so simple to just establish when this is because this incarnation is very different after The Big Bang when this story could feasibly take place to how he was by The Snowmen and beyond! Just a little on how his mindset might be would have helped relate to him a lot I think. I don't think the characterisation was all that great and it felt a little off to actually have him talk about the Time Lords and how they are taught to essentially invade the minds of lesser species. Considering that's not really him apparently, he's utilised that skill on a large number of occasions! I can't say I thought Jean was an inspiring character and finding out afterwards that the writer wanted to initially name this story as 'Jean's on Toast' just told me everything I needed to know. That's just ridiculous in the absolute worst way. Thank goodness that never survived! The Eukaryans themselves had potential even with them basically being a yeast rip off of what the Autons are to plastic. I liked the prospect of a civil war despite them having the same mind controller and the Doctor explaining how it was likened to having two conflicting thoughts made sense. I was really disappointed when it just turned out to be a lure for the Doctor. Sure, everyone has heard of him but now that they had him trapped as planned, they seemed to cower at his first threat. What exactly were they going to do once they had him where they wanted him? Jean's face being on toast everywhere as a sort of wanted sign as the Doctor thought was fun, and I thought that was actually better than it being a war banner. But on every piece of toast? Come on now. A smart toaster will definitely happen in the future though! We never really got a resolution to the TARDIS being engulfed and everything that came from being stabbed in the croissant and the factory being a soup factory just felt cheap. It was boring and honestly sigh worthy. I didn't like this much at all which is a shame to say as I'm usually super lenient and generous with my ratings! Overall, not one for me unfortunately. 

Rating: 4/10