Faithful Friends: Five Hundred Ways to Leave Your Lover

"He's about to dump the Doctor."

Writer: Tim Foley

Format: Audio

Released: January 2025

Series: Classic Doctors, New Monsters 5.04

Featuring: Eighth Doctor

Synopsis

Chris is on a date. But it isn't working out. Perhaps he'll end it over dinner. Or on a cruise. Or in a lunar spa. But who are these figures in red? And why are they so invested in his relationship?

All of reality might be at stake, and the Monks will pursue Chris wherever he goes – but as long as he manages to break up with his boyfriend, the Doctor, everything might be saved...

Verdict

Five Hundred Ways to Leave Your Lover was an excellent episode to conclude the Faithful Friends fifth series of Classic Doctors, New Monsters! I must say I wouldn't have the Monks on my bingo card when it came to the choices of monsters from the modern era that I would choose to encounter Classic Doctors, but after this story I think it was a stroke of genius as this might just be the best episode in the entire boxset! I thought it was fantastic from start to finish and whilst staying true to the Monks that we saw in a Twelfth Doctor trilogy, it wasn't repetitive and still peaked my interest. I think the Eighth Doctor was the only choice when it came to deciding which Classic incarnation would be best placed for this episode as I just cannot envisage any of the previous seven being on a date with Chris. Referring to the Doctor as his boyfriend was really intriguing and with the Eighth Doctor being a more modern incarnation, he was the perfect candidate. I liked the atmosphere right from the off in how things had an enigmatic feel and kudos must go to the sound effects for capturing that. It wasn't revealed until relatively late on that things were all a simulation, but that had felt like the case from the start and that was really impressive. Chris was a likeable enough character and the episode would basically be focused on him as the heart of the simulation. It was left a little ambiguous as to why it was him that was so important for the Monks and their need for consent when it came to their invasion plans which is probably why this story escapes a perfect rating, but the Doctor acknowledging that makes it better as at least he is aware and this sets up the Monks to return in Extremis and beyond. Keeping that Italian style accent for their voices was the right call and I think it was correct to have them speak sparsely. Part of their charm and appeal is in their mysterious nature lurking in the shadows. Chris repeatedly spotting them in their red robes was good but a highlight was when one was in a red towel in a sauna! The sound effects of Chris and the Doctor having a couples massage was not exactly something I was expecting in this adventure but it was fun! Chris trying to break up with the Doctor throughout the different scenarios was quite amusing and that being an important part of the simulation was fascinating. Poor old Doctor! Mark's arrival into the episode claiming to be the true boyfriend of Chris was interesting but I was never convinced that was the factual situation. He just felt off which I'm sure was absolutely the intent and worked well. He was almost desperate when it came to wanting that consent for the Monks in their desire for truth to allow them to invade. It was quite the set up and the confidence the Doctor showed in trying to appeal to Chris about what was the truth was wonderful. This was a stellar Paul McGann performance and I maintain that it is absolutely criminal he hasn't had his own spinoff series on television. He more than deserves it. I thought Chris realising the importance of his individuality was a nice way to finish things as he realised he really didn't need anyone else to get by in his life. He was just fine by himself. I thought the twist of the Doctor also being a simulation was fantastic and something I really should have seen coming! It was really nice for Chris to realise that he even didn't need the Doctor in the end. He did it all by himself. The Doctor not knowing where the Monks had got to left things open for their return in the modern era which was great stuff and overall just a wonderful way to round out what has been a pretty strong series! Keep them coming. 

Rating: 9/10