A Forever Home

"Our pet requires food."

Writer: Alfie Shaw 

Format: Audio

Released: January 2021

Series: Diary of River Song 8.03

Featuring: River Song, K9

Synopsis 

River finds herself caged and feeling under the weather. Luckily, her new owners are on hand to take care of her in her 'forever home'. 

But which of River's keepers can she trust? Is robot cat FE- all she seems? And is K9 still a girl's best friend?

Verdict 

A Forever Home was an excellent episode to continue my way through the eighth series of The Diary of River Song! This was easily the best story of the boxset so far and it was very amusing to have a situation where River wasn’t in control as she was forced into her new home after seemingly being deemed dangerous. The robotic cat Feline was all I was expecting as the robot element that has been the theme of the series, and having her come to buy River from the Pound was hilarious! However, the arrival of K9 was just joyous and he was here to adopt her! Magnificent stuff that had River rather shocked. The moment where it was mentioned she would have to be house trained was truly spectacular. The very idea! K9 soon revealed a truth beneath the deception with him saying that the Doctor actually sent him to rescue and she needed to stay in her cage for protection. It felt odd as she was also instructed to eat the sludgy food, and she also had to be walked! It kept getting better. K9 suggesting that she put on a collar was tremendous and I was fascinated that we had more than one version of the robot dog. There were also copies of houses as we soon learned of the an attack by the Master on the SS Polyamer! That was an unexpected revelation but I loved the idea of River doing battle with the renegade Time Lord once again. The use of an organic weapon made sense with robots not being affected and the copies of houses on the street were the result of the Doctor having saved River and she was being quarantined in a time loop. The sludge was her treatment which was pretty logical. The maestro shop was a funny way to have a disguise for the Master and it was obvious even more when rules said you couldn’t go inside. The Master looking on at River like she was a subject was good and the ruthlessness of him killing a robot because instructions weren’t followed was important to highlight. There was a strong air of suspicion when River was advised not to talk to strangers by K9 as not all of them were aware of the Master and figures from their own lives had been used to enable the time loop to make sense to them. Feline believing everything that K9 said was true was intriguing as River was able to challenge her on the truth about the time loop and the Master. She took her opportunity and pounced. K9 actually being an agent of the Master was a very fun dynamic, and it was soon clear that the Master was not the true article. River ridiculed that idea nicely. I wasn’t expecting Feline to actually bring a woman trapped as a robot so that took me by surprise! The fake Master being Balthazar Drix made for a fun character and he got the info to trick River thanks to a mind probe. River being offended by him calling Feline ‘it’ was nice to hear as she defended her new friend no matter what she was. The story of Drix suffering from ruddle’s syndrome was quite powerful with his unique chameleonic DNA just causing mutations and adapting to each different treatment. Maria being the woman inside Feline led to an incredibly emotional story of how she was picked up as Drix’s deputy. We learned all about the research being focused on a cure despite her advances and Drix’s ruthless side was massively highlighted in the flashback moment to him expelling all of the other crew members except Maria! It soon became a plague ship and Maria was left to the disease which quickly took her body, but her mind was now in a computer imprint. Her help coming in the form of K9 looking for Sarah Jane Smith after being sent by the Fourth Doctor was sublime! River offering to help cure Drix if all of the prisoners were released was a bit of a shock after all he’d done, but the villain really was able to show his horribleness with the all cats have their day secret code instructing the K9 copies to terminate them instead. The scale of that was extraordinary! Drix wanting use the regenerative qualities of River’s DNA to heal himself was a good move but Maria then being killed really highlighted Drix being a total bastard. I thought it was fun for River to put the cure into herself whilst destroying the genome data to prevent Drix having his own cure. Having the original K9 kept was fun and I liked that he restored all of the other unit copies and River quickly ordered them all to stun Drix! It was nice for her to also find Maria’s personality file and she would send the cure back to Drix’s people. The conclusion with K9 headed for Croydon and leading into A Girl’s Best Friend and the chameleonic crate was delightful. He’d find Sarah Jane after all! A fantastic episode. 

Rating: 9/10